Take a Trip Around the World - Verdenskortet

Do you want to see the world but have no time? Verdenskortet in Hobro, Denmark, may be the answer. The attraction features a to-scale map of the world measuring approximately 150 x 300 feet and constructed entirely out of dirt and rocks.

You can walk through all of Asia in just a few steps. Take a rowboat across the Pacific Ocean. Break for lunch at the adjoining cafe ... because even small-scale world travelers need to eat.

No Sunblock Required - Turda Salt Mine

Photo credit: John Seymour

It's time you planned your next vacation ... to Transylvania. Wait, you say, what's there to do there besides visit old castles that may or may not be populated by vampires? Well, how about kayaking in an underground salt mine? Or bowling in an underground salt mine? Or getting a facial in an underground salt mine?

Romania's Turda Salt Mine has been around since the year 16 A.D. It wasn't until a couple of decades ago, however, that the site was transformed into an amusement park and spa specializing in salt therapy. So go and get your fill of salt, fun and good old-fashioned time spent underground, away from that annoying sun. Hmm ... sounds like the perfect place for vacationing vampires.

Land Before Time - Dinosaur Place

You never know where you might come across a dinosaur. For example, you probably didn't think they'd pop up in southeastern Connecticut, and yet that's exactly where you'll find a whole bunch of them, in all their life-size glory.

The Dinosaur Place in Montville features 40 realistic-looking dinosaurs along a shady trail that runs through a park. All of the dinosaurs stand still in their designated places, except for one, the animatronic Dilophosaurus that's tucked away in a cave. There's a sign outside the cave that warns visitors that this attraction may be frightening for small children, and after going in to view it myself, my conclusion is that they need to make that sign larger! My blood ran cold at the sound of its screeching, and when it spat "venom" at me, I almost fell over in terror. The thing is positively evil. So maybe stay away from the Dilophosaurus if you've got a heart condition.

Need for Speed? - Formula Rossa Roller Coaster

Credit: Jazon88

Roller coasters are meant to be fast, but the Formula Rossa roller coaster in Abu Dhabi has the distinction of being the fastest in the world. Inspired by the Formula One experience, it reaches 150 mph in less than five seconds and requires its riders to wear safety goggles. I know. SAFETY GOGGLES. Because not even thrill-seekers want to lose an eyeball to extreme velocity. (Wusses.)

I don't know about you, but I'm packing my flame-retardant track suit and booking a trip to Abu Dhabi right now. Seeing as how NASCAR has recently rejected my application for the fourth time, this will have to do.

The Coolest City in the World - Harbin Ice Festival

Credit: Lzy881114/Wikipedia

I hate ice. All it's ever done is make me look like a fool, as a pedestrian and as a skier. I won't even put it into my drinks. This has made for some pretty nasty strawberry daiquiris, but I'm nothing if not principled. That's why I won't be visiting the Harbin Ice Festival in China any time soon, even though it looks CRAZY AWESOME.

Every winter the town of Harbin (also home to a restaurant run by robots) builds an entire city out of ice, using blocks from the nearby Songhua River. Architects from all over the world come to design the various buildings, monuments and sculptures. At night, the ice buildings are lit up in bright, glowing colors. As the event has grown over the years, other attractions for the public have been added, including rides like giant ice slides. Okay, as I type this, my hate for ice is starting to melt a little. I mean, it's one thing to give up ice in my drinks, another thing entirely to ignore the calling of a GIANT ICE SLIDE. ... Don't judge me.

Think You're So Smart? - Escape the Room

Credit: Escape the Room NYC

It's Saturday night in New York City. Do you (a) take in the latest Broadway show; (b) go out to dinner at a shi shi restaurant; or (c) let yourself be locked in a room where you must decipher a series of clues found around the room in order to get out?

If you feel that C sounds way too similar to the premise of Saw (and you wouldn't be wrong), read no further. But if it sounds like your idea of fun, then dust off your trusty magnifying glass and sign up for Escape the Room. Choose from several scenarios (Victorian-themed home? Office space? Creepy old theater?), round up a group of your smartest friends, and see if you can work together to find the key that'll let you out of the room. It's loads of fun and will get your mental juices flowing. What's the significance of the chess game in progress? What's this message typed out on the old-timey typewriter? Are the eyes on that portrait following you?! Just kidding on that last one. But be warned: Only 20 percent of participants manage to get out of the room before the hour is up, so you'd better be as smart as you think you are, lest your fragile ego be crushed to smithereens. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.

Enroll Today! - College of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Do you fancy yourself a real Harry Potter fan? Have you read all seven books in one sitting? Dressed up as Neville for Halloween? Applied for a license to own an owl? Well, guess what. That sort of adorably earnest but ultimately noncommittal display of fandom doesn't cut it anymore. Real Potterheads enroll in wizard school in Leśnia, Poland. That's right, there's a real-life WIZARD SCHOOL, and if you're a true fan, you'll fill out an application TODAY.

The Czocha College of Witchcraft and Wizardry is based in a real 13th-century Polish castle, and students who are accepted to the program are provided with robes and textbooks, sorted into different houses, and given lessons in essential life skills such as potion-making and spell-casting. And of course there's Quidditch. I'm not sure how your degree in wizardry will translate to job-readiness in the real world, but no doubt you'll still have an advantage over the psychology and English majors.

Fans of Child Labor Unite! - Baby Boss

I am a big fan of child labor (for proof, see my previous post on Kinderkookkafé). Yes, I know how that sounds and no, I'm not taking it back. Children need to earn their keep, and if it means roughing up those cute little chubby hands, then so be it. Serendipitously, the people of Taiwan agree with this viewpoint and have come up with an ingenious way of disguising child labor as a family attraction.

At Baby Boss in Taipei, children are invited to try their hand at different professions, like construction worker, hairdresser, pizza maker, astronaut, fire fighter. At each job placement, attendants help dress up the kids in convincing costumes, give them a run-down of the job, and let them give the equipment a whirl. It's all very realistic and fun. The fire hoses really spray water, there's a real crane at the construction site, and real pizza gets made (and eaten). At the end of each session, the children are paid in "baby bucks," which they can then spend at the shops within the building. I know. BABY BUCKS. If that's not reason enough to fly to Taiwan immediately, you're obviously a Communist.

What Would Jesus Do on Vacation? - Holy Land Experience

The Bible comes to life at the Orlando theme park Holy Land Experience. Because why get a picture with Mickey when you can get one with Jesus? This isn’t really my kind of place – not because of my religious views, but because there are no coasters. It’s a shame, because there are so many great names for rides for a place like this: Heretic’s Fall; Red Sea Flume; Wrath of God. The possibilities are endless.

Instead, there are shows and exhibits. You’ll get to experience Jerusalem circa 66 AD, and dine on Middle Eastern fare at the concession stand. The misting stations are a bit anachronistic, but perhaps after a few hours of baking under the Florida sun, they can also be seen as minor miracles.

A Holey Experience - Diggerland

Digging is a lost art. It's therapeutic, it's satisfying, and there's no right or wrong way to do it. The problem is we don't have many opportunities to dig nowadays. Try doing it on public property and you get fined. Try doing it in your backyard and your neighbors call the cops to investigate.

Diggerland in Kent (also home to Dickens World) addresses all your digging needs. The theme park lets kids as young as five operate everything from dump trucks to giant diggers. You can dig holes, move dirt around, basically make a mess. And the park is also available for parties of the corporate and bachelor variety. Because if there are going to be drunk people operating heavy machinery, you want them all contained in one park.

Vacation in Squalor - Dickens World

Who hasn't wished they could live like a filthy 1800s street urchin? At Dickens World in Kent, U.K., you and your family get to experience the unsavory underbelly of 19th century London, right down to the inefficient sewage disposal. There's a Great Expectations boat ride, a town square populated by morally challenged Dickensian characters, and a Victorian school featuring a nasty schoolmaster. 

Kids misbehaving during the trip? Threaten to get the season pass. Personally, I find the concept for this theme park refreshing. There's nothing like traveling back to a time before the advent of proper hygiene and social services to make my own life look a little brighter. Is it me, or is it wonderful to not have to rely on mysterious benefactors and impromptu displays of fisticuffs to get by in life?